Plan B is the new Plan A
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
