i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
