Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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