I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
