This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
