shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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