Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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