My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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