Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
