What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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