I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
