I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
