sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
