i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
