so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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