Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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