I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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