yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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