I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize