I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
