Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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