I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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