I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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