He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just forgot I was standing up.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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