I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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