some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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