I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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