You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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