There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
