JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Let's paint friendship bongs
you had me at cake vodka
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
