Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize