he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
