Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
The air taste purple.
Randomize
