fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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