I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The power of my boobs compel you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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