grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
