Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
