Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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