For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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