eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
