Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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