he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
