Already got asked if we're dating
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
