I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
