My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
