Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
