I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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