Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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