I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
