She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
