I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize