Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
