Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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