I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
