I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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