Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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