Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
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