Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
