I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
