Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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