Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
