We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
