we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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