I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
