VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's never too late to be topless.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize