i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
