some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
