I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize