It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
