and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
