No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
