If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
