Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
