tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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