its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
