some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
