I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
