It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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