You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
