They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
