I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You may now shotgun with the bride
And my parents said I crawled through the house
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
