party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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