You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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