We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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