I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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