so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
