He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
