i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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