Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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