After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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