I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
