dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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