how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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