i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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