are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He better not be in your backpack
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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