I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize